loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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