M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
