Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
