yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I died a long time ago.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
