I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
