You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
