I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
