we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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