I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
