His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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