Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
