i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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