You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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