Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
