Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
