He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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