just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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