I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
