I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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