new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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