I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
