Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
