My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
