i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
