we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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