I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
