Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
