well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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