everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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