the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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