This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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