you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
