so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
