I'm going to jail i love you
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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