It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
