Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
