Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
