I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
