I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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