I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
