Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The adults are the big ones right?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
