Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
