please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
