Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
