he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
