looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
