some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
