I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
