hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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