How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
