oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
