i permit you to call me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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