I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
