so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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