Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
