just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
