I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
