can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
