Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
